


my detective

by coldairballoons



Category: (My) Immortal: The Web Series, Murdoch Mysteries
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Dark Crack, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Cheating, James Pendrick With Eyeliner And Nail Polish Is My Sexuality: An Essay, Lots of H.G. Wells References, Multi, My Immortal AU, Non-Graphic Smut, Typos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 4,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29149386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldairballoons/pseuds/coldairballoons
Summary: [sigh]no one asked for thisnot a single human being asked for thisbut it had to be doneand i am so fucking sorry it was
Relationships: George Crabtree & William Murdoch, William Murdoch/James Pendrick
Comments: 38
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> in every fandom, there is a my immortal parody.
> 
> it is law.
> 
> and it is sadly my duty now to write that.

Chapter 1.

AN: Special thanks 2 my bf (kinda in that way lol) thep 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! thep an crlyn ur da luvs of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MM ROX!

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Hi my name is William Henry Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Murdoch and I have short ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) and dark brown eyes like the color of cobblestone and a lot of people tell me I look like Yannick Bisson (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m a detective but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a detective (but u knew that lol), and I work at a detectivey and policey place called Station House 4 in Toronto Canada. I’m a detective (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. It helps me blend in. I love solving murders and I do all my work around that. For example today I was solving a case of a dead lady, but no one knew who killed her, but I knew, because of my big brain and major detectiving skills. I was wearing a white shirt with a black tie, a black waistcoat, a black jacket and a black hat. I was walking outside Station House 4. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of criminals stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. 

“Hey Murdoch!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. James Pendrick!

“What’s up Pendrick?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

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AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me thx!!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no one asked for this no one asked for this i am so fucking sorry oh my god

Chapter 2.  
  
AN: Thx 2 thep 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW stop flaming ma story ok!  
  
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The next day I woke up in my office. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my office and drank some water from a bottle I had. My office was messy and it had files and papers all over from when i was working. I got out of my office and took of my giant Tesla t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a white shirt, black pants, a black tie and a black suit jacket on. I put on a hat and put hair product in my hair.  
  
My friend, George (AN: thoe dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. He flipped his short brown hair the color of the sky but only sometimes and opened his sky-blue eyes. He put on his constable uniform with a black constable hat and boots. We put on our shiny badges.  
  
“OMFG, I saw you talking to James Pendrick yesterday!” he said excitedly.  
  
“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.  
  
“Do you like James?” he asked as we went out of the office room and into the station.  
  
“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.  
  
“Yeah right!” he exclaimed. Just then, James walked up to me.  
  
“Hi.” he said.  
  
“Hi.” I replied flirtily.  
  
“Guess what.” he said.  
  
“What?” I asked.  
  
“Well, H.G. Wells is having a presentation downtown.” he told me.  
  
“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love H.G. Wells. He is my favorite author, besides Arthur Conan Doyle.  
  
“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.  
  
I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw, i Will be editing out the majorly triggering stuff, because that's Very Icky TM.

Chapter 3.  
  
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY OK! odderwize thx 2 da mystree ppl 4 da good reveiws! THX AGEN THOO AN CARL I LOV U! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da words frm Th Time Machene.  
  
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On the night of the presentation I put on my black lace-up boots. Underneath them were black socks. Then I put on a black waistcoat with all this button stuff. I put on matching hat on my head. I combed my hair and made it look all flat. I got bored then so I walked around the city and stared menacingly at people who looked like they were doing illegal stuff. Like murder. Murder is bad. Then I stopped by the bar and didn't drink anything because I dont like that (even though Watts does) and so I was ready to go to the presentation.  
  
I went outside. James was waiting there in front of his fancy car. He was wearing a white shirt (the first few buttosn were unbuttoned and I saw his chest--he had a nice chest) high waisted brown pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). He looked v hot.   
  
“Hi James!” I said in a detectivey voice.  
  
“Hi William.” he said back. We walked into his shiny fancy big car (the license plate said 1908 bc that was the year lol) and drove to the place with the presentation. On the way we listened excitedly to the sounds of the street because car radios hadnt been invented yet. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the front of the stage and watched Well Well start speaking.  
  
"The Time Traveller (for so it will be convenient to  
speak of him) was expounding a recondite matter to us.  
His grey eyes shone and twinkled, and his usually pale face  
was flushed and animated. The fire burned brightly, and  
the soft radiance of the incandescent lights in the lilies of  
silver caught the bubbles that flashed and passed in our  
glasses. Our chairs, being his patents, embraced and  
caressed us rather than submitted to be sat upon, and there  
was that luxurious after-dinner atmosphere when thought  
roams gracefully free of the trammels of precision. And he  
put it to us in this way—marking the points with a lean  
forefinger—as we sat and lazily admired his earnestness  
over this new paradox (as we thought it:) and his  
fecundity." (I don’t own da words 2 dat book).  
  
“H.G. is so fucking hot.” I said to James, pointing to him as he spoke, filling the world with his amazing voice.  
  
Suddenly James looked sad.  
  
“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the book. Then I caught on.  
  
“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.  
  
“Really?” asked James sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.  
  
“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know H.G. and he’s going out with Ruby fucking Ogden. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. (AN: _NOIRLLYLOVEHERDONTWORRYOMG)_  
  
The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did James. After the concert, we drank some water and asked Herbert and Geroge for their autographs and photos with them. We got copies of the Tim Machine. James and I crawled back into the fancy car, but Jaems didn’t go back into Station House 4, instead he drove the car into……………………… his mansion!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning in this chapter for non-descriptive sex.

Chapter 4.  
  
AN: I sed stup flaming ok william's name is WILLIAN nut gary stu OK! JAMES IS SOO IN LUV wif him dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!  
  
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“JAMES!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”  
  
James didn’t answer but he stopped the car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.  
  
“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.  
  
“William?” he asked.  
  
“What?” I snapped.  
  
James leaned in extra-close and I looked into his hot blue-green-brown-hazel-mishmash-lots of color eyes which revealed so much depressing sorrow and childhood trauma and betrayal and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.  
  
And then…………… suddenly just as I James kissed me passionately. James climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a wall. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my hat. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.  
  
“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….  
  
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”  
  
It was…………………………………………………….Brackenreid!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i don't know why this is being churned out so fast i'm procrastinating school rn okay don't @ me-

Chapter 5.  
  
AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Brakereid swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!  
  
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Brackenreid made and James and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.  
  
“You ludacris fools!” he shouted.  
  
I started to cry tears of tears down my pallid face. James comforted me. When we went back to the station Brackenreid took us to his wife (Margart Brakcenried) and his son (John Brakcerien) who were both looking very angry.  
  
“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice.  
  
“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Margrett.  
  
“How dare you?” demanded John.  
  
And then James shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!”  
  
Everyone was quiet. Brackeriend and Mreget still looked mad but Jom said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your office.”  
  
James and I went upstairs while the Breks glared at us.  
  
“Are you okay, William?” James asked me gently.  
  
“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the my office and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into like a old underwear so like long johns long undies yeah that. When I came out….  
  
James was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to recite 'The Invisible Man’ by H.G. Wells. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his bigass mansion.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ohohoho, julia

Chapter 6.  
  
AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!  
  
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The next day I woke up in my office. I put on a black pants and a white shirt with a black tie over it and fancy shoes that were black. I put on a fancy black waistcoat. I put hair product in my hair.  
  
In the Constablulrly, I ate some breakfast stuff, and a glass of water. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the water spilled over my top.  
  
“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the very beautiful woman with long blond hair braided. She was wearing a pretty blue hat and a tie like mine except not. She had very pretty lips that looked red probably bc they were red, she was wearing lipstick. She had a very long skirt. She had a sexy something accent. She looked exactly like Helene Joy. She was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw her kind of like an erection only not really because I was supposed to be working u sicko. 

  
“I’m so sorry.” she said in a shy voice.  
  
“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.  
  
“My name’s Julia Ogden, although most people call me Doctor Ogden these days.” he grumbled.  
  
“Why?” I exclaimed.  
  
“Because I work in the morgue as a doctor.” she giggled.  
  
“Well, I am a detective.” I confessed.  
  
“Really?” she whimpered.  
  
“Yeah.” I roared.  
  
We sat down to talk for a while. Then James came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life  
  
AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 10 god coments. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git ELVEN god comm! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Wibiam isn’t a Gaery Stue ok he isn’t perfect HES A DETCTIVE! n he has problemz hes depressed 4 godz sake!  
  
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James and I held our pale white hands his with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing my shiny shiny badge on my jet black vest (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Garu Stu 2 u?). I waved to Julia. Dark misery was in her doctory eyes. I guess she was jealous of me that I was going out with James. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with James. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………  
  
We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black hat and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)  
  
“Oh James, James!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on James's arm. It was a stethoscope in the shape of a heart. On it in cursive writing were the words………… JULIA!  
  
I was so angry.  
  
“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.  
  
“No! No! But you don’t understand!” James pleaded. But I knew too much.  
  
“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably don't like detectives anyway!"  
  
I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. James ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Julia's morgue where she was having a dissection with Dr. Hart and some other people.  
  
“JULIA OGDEN, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.  
  
AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep!  
  
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Everyone in the class stared at me and then James came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.  
  
“William, it’s not what you think!” James screamed sadly.  
  
My friend George Crabtree smiled at me understatedly. He flipped his short broown hair and opened his fancy eyes. He had pale skin that he was wearing his constable uniform on. George was kidnapped when he was born. His real parents are dead (or are they) and he was adopted by a bunch of prostitutes that he calls his aunts that raised him.   
  
“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Hart demeaned angrily in her cold voice but I ignored her.  
  
“Julia, I can’t believe you cheated on me with James!” I shouted at him.  
  
Everyone gasped.  
  
I don’t know why William was so mad at me. I had went out with Julia (I’m bi and so is William) for a while but then she broke my heart. She dumped me because she liked Darcy, a stupid motherfucker. We were just good friends now. She had gone through horrible problems, and now she was a doctor. (Haha, like I would hang out with anyone else.)  
  
“But I’m not going out with James anymore!” said Julia.  
  
“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to James and then I started to bust into tears.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bro, why am i still writing this??!

Chapter 9.  
  
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! cuz th show is adprted from boox an dis is frum da tv ok so itz nut my folt if brax swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson hart dosent lik julia now is coz i neded charcter tha works n morgugueueue an hart does!!!!! MM ROX!!!!!!!  
  
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I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe James for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with James.  
  
Then all of a suddenly, an very pretty woman with long hair and everything started running towards me on the ground! She didn’t have a badge (basically like everyone else in Toronto except ppl in the constababyababablyrary) and she was wearing fancy dress clothes but it was obvious she wasn’t dectective. It was…… SALLY PENDRICK!  
  
“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Sally shouted “Not today, Satan!” and went pew pew and a big tree fell down behind me and I couldn’t run away.  
  
“JAMES LOVES ME NOW BITCH!” I shouted at her. Sally fell to the floor and started to yell. I felt bad for her even though I’m a detective so I stopped.  
  
“Wilaliam.” she yelled. “Thou must kill Julia Ogden!”  
  
I thought about Julia and her sexah eyes and her doctory blonde hair and how her face looks just like Helene Joy. I remembered that James had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if James went out with Julia before I went out with him and they broke up?  
  
“No, Sally!” I shouted back.  
  
Sally gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.  
  
“Thou must!” she yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved James!”  
  
“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.  
  
Sally got an angy look on her face. “You legit just told me u dumb bitch.” she answered cruelly.

"Oh" I said.

“And if you doth not kill Julia, then thou know what will happen to James!” he shouted. Then she ran away angrily.  
  
I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly James came into the woods.  
  
“James!” I said. “Hi!”  
  
“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad.

“Are you okay?” I asked.  
  
“No.” he answered.  
  
“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.  
  
“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into Station house 4 together making out.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u motherfricks if u donot lik ma story den fukk off!

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I was really scared about Slalaly all day. I was even upset went to crim scnene with my epic detective squad Station House 4 or The Lads. I am the head detective of it. The other people in the band are Julia, George, Higgins, Watts (he's new) and Hart. And sometimes James. Only today Julia and James ig were big sad so they weren’t coming and we wrote songs instead. I put on a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up an inch. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.

We were detectiving a big murder when suddenly I burst into tears.

“Sir! Are you OK?” George asked in a concerted voice.

“What the fuck do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Sally came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Julia! But I don’t want to kill her, because, she's really nice, even if she did go out with James. But if I don’t kill Julia, then Sally, will fucking kill James!” I burst into tears.  
Suddenly James jumped out from behind a wall.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking bitch!” (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. James started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We sdetectived for one more hour. Then suddenly Brakenrid walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache.

“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “William James is missing, he faked his own death."

My jaw dropped. "AGAIN?!?!!?!??!!? THAT MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i don't even know anymore

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw thx 2 ma bofren ythep 4 hleping me!

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“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! Crabtree tried to comfort me but I told him fuck off and I ran to my office crying myself. Brackenreid chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my office cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of tears and suddenly Professor Hidgens (AN: lol tgwdlm rox!!!! xD) ran outside on his feet and said everyone we need to talk.

“What do you know, Hignes? You’re just a little constable!”

“I MAY BE A CONSTABLE….” Higgings paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A CONSTABLE!”

“This cannot be.” The criminal that the lads had apprehended while I was crying in my office said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Brakcken's gun had shot him. “There must be other factors.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.

The other criminal held up the weapon triumelephantly. “You may have us in custody but dont think we wont escape!!!!!”

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough water.

“Why are you doing this?” Brx said angrily while he rubbed his not gun hand on his shoort.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to faint because I felt faint.

“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Higgins said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his hand in the air. Then he started to quote "The Ivibisble Man" by Herbert gErbert Wells!!!!!!!!

“Because you’re a nerd?” Brackenreid asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he had a braincell.

“Because I LOVE HER!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who is her? we shall see.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12.

AN: heheheehehehehehheeeehe sooooooooo,,, ,lolz new carachert XD

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I was about to start crying again because omg I'm not a girl lmao but then Ruth Newsome came over and was all like "OH HENRY I LOVE YOU" and then they kissed and I was like "ok then"

“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS the criminals but it was Julia. She started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO!” and then….. she passed out!!!! 

I stopped crying sexily. “How did u know?”

“I saw it! And the scar from when I was shot with an arrow gave me magic powers!”

“NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a scar anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but Hart helped me heal it and I always cover it up with clothes anyways.” she said back. “Anyway my scar hurt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to James…………….Sally has him bondage!”

Anyway I was in the doctor place now recovering from my crying. Anyway Edward Cullen (whos another character lol he's a irish arsonist not the twilight vampire) came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

“Wilam I need to tell u somethnig.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

“Fuck off.” I told him. “You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like people like you.” I snapped. Eddie Cullen had been mean to me before for being detec.

“No Wilam.” Eddie says. “Those are not roses.”

“What, are they detectves too you crime doer?” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

“I saved your life!” He yelled angrily.   
“No you didn’t I replied.” “Whatever!” I yelled angirly.

He pointed his hand at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses.” He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and lit a match.

“That’s not a spell that’s an match.” I corrected him wisely.

“I know, I was just warming up my arson skillz.” Then he screamed. “FIRE"

And then the roses turned into fire!!!!! because he set them on fireie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“OK I believe you now wtf is Jomes?”

Edgy rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

“U c, Wibbiam,” Breakfast said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”

“I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!” EDDIE yelled. brACKenyreid lookd shockd. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Deaddie stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, inspector brackey!!!!”

I went back to my office. There was Julia sitting on my desk.

“Hi.” she said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Julia had beautiful blue doctory eyes so much like James. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Instpeactor Brokenreid who was watching us and so was everyone else.

“Julia you fucker!” I said slapping her. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved James!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

She started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO!” and then….. she passed out!!!! 

I stopped crying sexily. “How did u know?”

“I saw it! And the scar from when I was shot with an arrow gave me magic powers!”

“NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a scar anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but Hart helped me heal it and I always cover it up with clothes anyways.” she said back. “Anyway my scar hurt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to James…………….Sally has him bondage!”

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HEY CARL DO U KNOW WHERE MY HOODIE I


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pov: i change the "fetishize mlm" line to "make fun of straight people for fetishizing mlm" line.

Chapter 13.

AN: thep thx 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of tesla but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! STOP FLAMIGNG!

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Julia and I ran up the stairs looking for Brackenreid. We were so scared.

“Brackenreid Brackenreid!” we both yelled. Brackenreid came there.

“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.

“Salsa has James!” we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

“No! Don’t! We need to save James!” we begged.

“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Sally does to James. Not after how much he misbehaved in the mansion especially with YOU William.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Julia started crying. “My James!” she moaned. (AN: don’t u fik strate gorlz r lik so hot!)

“Its okay!” I tried to tell her but that didn’t stop her. He started to cry tears of tears. Then she had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” she exclaimed.

“What?” I asked her.

“You’ll see.” she said. She took out her scalpel and did a thing. Then…… suddenly we were in Sallys lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Hello?!”  
It was……………………………….. Sally!


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Thep fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz writin. PS im nut updating til u giv me 20 god revoiws!

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WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

We ran to where Smally was. It turned out that Sally wasn’t there. Instead the mean guy who killed Quinlan and kidnapped James was. James was there crying tears of tears. Mean Guy Who Killed Quinlan was torturing him. Julia and I ran in front of MGWKQ.

“Rid my sight you despicable preps!” he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “WilliamIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said.

“Huh?” I asked.  
”Wbilliam I love you will you have sex with me?” asked MGWKQ. I started laughing crudely. “What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.” I said angrily. Then I shot him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

“Nooooooooooooo!” he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.

“MGWKQ what art thou doing?” called Sally. Then…… she started coming! We could hear her high heels clacking to us. So we got on feet and we ran to Station house 4. We went to my office. Julia went away. There I started crying.

“What’s wrong honey?” asked James Pendrick taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other boys and criminals here except for George Crabtree, because he’s not ugly or anything.”

“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the criminals anyway. They are such fucking motherfuckers.” answered James.

“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Eddie says he’s in love with me. Julia likes me and now even a minor character who kidnapped you is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok James! Why couldn’t God have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory wilbm isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told him hes hadnsome) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away.

**Author's Note:**

> [gives you a box of kleenex and a head pat] i'm so sorry


End file.
